Friday, July 2, 2010

A penny for your thoughts


In the back of my mind
sits
a well used, long treasured thought
which is:

'You aren't really hearing me.'

yet

when I ask: 'why do I want you to hear me?'
there lies a wanting to be understood

and

when I ask: 'why do I want you to understand me?'
there is a need for acceptance

and

 beneath this need for acceptance?
sits
a yearning for the freedom to stop trying to be enough

and

yet once again as I go deeper
 there is
an innermost desire
 for
Inner Peace.

The thought

'You aren't really hearing me.'

now is really my wake up call
to make a choice
to keep this thought
or
to choose
Inner Peace
the true
asking


This was a hard concept for me to express because it exposes one of the core beliefs that I carry that keeps me stuck as the victim. 
Also there is embarrassment because of all the times I have expressed this thought 'You aren't really hearing me' to the people I hold most dear  in a way that has come out as attack or defense. 
The good news is that this belief  does catch me and takes for for a ride once in awhile but not as often and/or for as long as it used to.  The extra bonus is that when I let go of my neediness to be heard people (mostly my hubby) are more keen to hear me. 


I wonder what thoughts replay themselves in the back of your mind and how you see them. 



16 comments:

  1. Lovely building of awareness. Caught in that feeling I would ask myself, 'how am I not hearing/listening to myself'. The point of power rests within. Sometimes we project the way we disregard ourself onto others ... some times ...

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  2. Hi Maggie

    I read the length of your post thinking that you were asking the questions of yourself, and Bonnie reiterated that line of thought...

    Something I often say to people now that I am older and more confident in who I am is:

    I'm not sure what you mean, I don't understand...can you tell me ...

    I know that this is a reversal of your thought line but I wonder ...

    Happy days

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  3. Bonnie- You are totally right on. It is about hearing/listening to myself and not projecting onto others. Thanks for your insights.

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  4. Jillsy-bless you. Dropped by your blog to check out your Beef Pie. I'm married to a Brit and this is definitely up his alley.

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  5. Delwyn-yes I was doing my own therapy session by asking and then answering the questions so I could get to the real reason for the neediness around being heard. Your visits and comments dispite my awkward stuggle to convey my thoughts is much appreciated.

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  6. Maggie, I loved that this was familiar to me - after talking about it on our walk the other day.
    Projecting onto others is one of my biggest issues, too. I have never seen you as a victim, btw.

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  7. Yeah, you are back and I am so glad. I think we all have a need not only to be heard, but understood. Yes?

    I was just dropping in to wish you the happiest Independence Day. May your day be full! May you enjoy laughter shared with family, great food shared with friends, fireworks to make you gasp, a lump in your throat at the anthem, and a full and grateful heart at all we have been given. Happy Fourth of July, my friend!

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  8. Relyn- you are such a bundle of joy. What a treat to have you drop by. We had Canada Day on the 1st of July. With family, sun and games it makes the heart glad. Many wishes for you and your family for a fun filled Independence Day.
    Yes, I feel it is a basic human desire to be heard and understood. My neediness around being heard and understood especially by my partner is what made it unhealthy in one way and a big bonus in another that it provides me with the wake up call to go beyond my neediness to inner peace.

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  9. Deb-We all project onto others really. If I have a judgement I am projecting. Deb, I don't know what 'btw' is?? You enjoying your last few days here? I will miss you when you go back. I might not see you again for months and months and months. BooHoo

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  10. Yes, I understand this feeling all too well.Glad you are able to come to terms with it and achieve peace. I'm still working on it...

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  11. ds-I too have it as a running program but blogging about it, exposing it, makes it more difficult to use and believe it. I wonder if it is simular to an alcoholic admitting they are an alcoholic? Thanks for dropping by ds.

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  12. Hi Maggie,
    What a beautiful, delicate poem. Thank you. I can relate very strongly to your words.
    And underneath, always always, the call for peace, for ME to choose peace.
    I breathe deep, exhale, and all seems well in my world.
    Thank you.
    Love,
    Elloa

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  13. Elloa,it such a treat that you can relate to my words. Yes, it is all about choosing peace for me too. Thanks for your kind words.

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  14. I think as we age(getting old)...we are satisfied with the peace of really hearing and understanding ourselves!

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  15. Wanda, I really sense this is true for you. From your blog I get the impression that you are very happy where you are at now in your life. For me, I'm in an upheavel place now, having retired yet feeling too young to not work yet not knowing what comes next. Truthfully when I let go of thinking I should know what comes next life is very peaceful and full of gratitude. So I still vacillate between at peace/not at peace...

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